Where did I go?
I don’t understand a single thing…
Well, I do. Some. But nevertheless I wonder why my life has become so different from what I thought it would be.
And I don’t mean the entire life! I just refer to the last couple of months! How it is now in regards of how it was before moving back to my hometown. I thought I should feel better in every way!
Well I do feel better in many ways! I’m back home, for godness sake! I’m with my family again, and I don’t feel so lonely any longer, and not so hopeless.
But, though I now have enhanced my muscles and can ride my bike more and for longer trips, it seems impossible for me to bike as far distances as I actually want to. My back pain has increased, and the muscles stiffen for almost no cause at all. I’m very tired, don’t sleep particularly well, and have to force myself even to do the most ordinary must-do’s at home. Like cleaning and such.
I don’t write! I was supposed to take more photos, all the city around, I was supposed to blog more – and actually write blog posts! Not only post an image or two!
But when I open any of my blogs with the intent to write something, I just feel a big
NO! I CAN’T!
I was also supposed to start working on some novel or short stories! Be regularly with my writings. Like everyday letting something out from my mind through my fingers.
And I do nothing of the sort!
Why? Is this temporary?
Okay! I see a lot more of my family of course, and I really love that, but I don’t see them everyday. And I read books again – that’s a good thing
Should it take this long to adapt to new better circumstances? To a new, but well-known, habitat?
Should it take this long to let go of old stress? To leave behind loneliness and despair?
I have lived here for almost five months now!
So where did I go?
I do understand some things…
Why stress during a long time – years actually – makes such a impact on us. Makes us ill. And it takes time to recover. Even under the best circumstances.