I guess it’s time…

… to tell you a bit about myself.

I’m sorry, but I won’t give you much. In this blog, at this time, I would prefer to be as private as possible. I would like to have the freedom that can give. Not the freedom to be rude, complain, mock or in any other way be mean and talk angrily about “all and everything”.

The freedom I seek, is the freedom to be personal, to write about stuff that I either don’t dare to write or talk with people about, or … well sometimes I just have the need to let myself go, but without letting anyone know that I am Me! And Myself!

I’ll probably never write about politics, and not about religion per se – but spirituality lies warm around my heart. I consider myself a spiritual person on the way not only to knowing, but to experience myself as a spiritual being.

Maybe I’m a coward since I don’t want to scream out loud about what I believe in? Or maybe I’m just cautious?  You see! I just want Love! I’ll put it in this way – I am Love! And so are you. Let’s focus upon that.


Well! I’m not a newcomer as a blogger, even though this blog still is as young as a newborn child. I’ve been blogging since early 2007, first on Blogspot and since spring 2009 here on WordPress. I don’t know how many different blogs I’ve had in total, but at present I have another, older, WP-account with a couple of blogs – but they are mostly dormant. At least for the time being.

Actually! I feel lika a huge question mark considering this! I thougt I would write, blog and photograph a lot after my move back to my hometown. But I haven’t! It’s like something is blocking me every time I try to create a blogpost or browse my drafts. Occasionally I’ve managed to create an image of some sort and published it on one of the blogs, but even that I find hard.

Still, somewhere inside me I yearn for my skills of writing to bloom, but I also realise I probably just need more time to settle down here in my new life situation. But I also yearn to write more about things that matters to me. Sometimes I see myself with my inner eye, I see myself sitting at a table writing… and writing… and writing…

Then the image fade and vanish… and I realise that I – now – as it happens – don’t have even a single clue what to write.


Hence, I am here now! In disguise, so to speak, aiming for my flow to return, to open up for writings of any kind. longing for writing a novel, short stories and much more.

Some of the posts might be shallow and pure weekday-like. Others may go under the topic health, or food or something like that.
But I guess many of my posts here will have some connection to the spiritual realm. To “God”, Light, Universe, Love – to whatever you’ll call it.


By the way! English isn’t my native language! I’m pretty good at it, but I also know I might make terrible errors – which I try to correct even after I’ve published the post sometimes. Especially the prepositions can be very devious to choose from…

When writing in my own language I’m quite a nerd. It just has to be perfect. And I don’t only mean when it comes to grammar and spelling. I really do wish I were equally good in English.

Love is in the air

Yesterday was such a lovely day! Sunny as love itself, a bit windy but not too much, and a tiny bit chilly in the shadow. That’s what makes it a wonderful day, isn’t it? Warm, but not too warm. Perfect day to take a ride on the bicycle. Or two rides, actually. Couldn’t resist a short one in the afternoon as well, after I had been sitting on the patio reading for several hours.

Something fantastic happened to me while I was on my first ride after breakfast. Since I have had this peculiar stiffness and pain throughout practically all my muscles for some time, a looooong time it feels like, I have of course besides other things – like taken supplements with curcumin, boswellia, Omega3 and cayennepepper for a couple of weeks, as well as been meditating and listening to videos with relaxing and positive affirmations – also been praying for help and guidance.

One of the videos I’ve been watching on youtube is about Convergence healing with Peter Bedard. It is so inspirational and I think it has helped me a lot.

Shortly, it is about listening to your body and the pain, love it and treat it as your best friend. Ask the body/pain what it needs to feel better – and upon all of this: stop beating yourself up, stop thinking all those negative thoughts.

Also stop listen to doctors who only know about drugs and surgery. The body can heal itself, if you just give it a chance.

Besides watching the video, you can also buy the book. I did, and I just love it! You can get it on  Amazon or on iBooks.


One of the things Peter Bedard recommend is to give your pain a name. Or rather – ask the pain for its name! I did that some time ago, and we somehow agreed on the name “Joe”. I’m not quite sure the pain chose it, or if it was me. The mind-me. The odd thing may be since I’m actually a “she”. But the soul has no gender so it isn’t wrong. It just is!

So as I mounted the saddle yesterday morning, I decided to do just as Peter Bedard suggests – talk to my body and the pain. I had certainly not neglected Joe, but for some time not been having any actual conversation with my corporal friend either and I felt a bit ashamed.

I said
“Hi! How are you? I love you, you know that don’t you? I love you very much! I’m sorry I haven’t spoken with you for some time now.” I paused for a moment then continued.  “Do you still want to me to call you Joe?”

“Oh, (he said smiling). I think it’s better you call me – (he made a mini-pause) – Jesus.”

I just gasped. It was so utterly unexpected. I myself (the mind) would never even had thought of choosing that name. I have for ever and ever have had difficulties saying that name out loud. When praying I’ve always turned to God, not Jesus. I guess I never have been able to see Jesus the christian/bible-way. Now, after having learned more about Jesus, seeing him with other eyes, I don’t find the issue that awkward any longer. But I still never use his name in a prayer, so that I should choose his name for my body/pain is totally far-fetched. But yet! That’s what my body/pain/higher-self wanted. “He” choose the name Jesus!

I felt awkward, but at the same time totally overwhelmed. I felt filled with joy and gratefulness. No, that’s not the best word for it, even though the feeling also included a huge amount of joy and gratefulness. I got tears in my eyes and found myself speechless. Couldn’t reach any words at all, I was totally feelings

The voice inside said to me:
“Say: Jesus, I love you!”
It felt a bit awkward, but after a while I said it.
“I love you, Jesus!”

And I said it again and again, and got so filled with love, joy and gratefulness that the tears now almost made it difficult to keep on biking.

“You are free from your issues with your muscles now.” Jesus voice said. “It may linger on for a couple of days more, but you are free.”
I kept on gasping, love almost broke my chest open and all I could say and think was Thank you!

Thankyou-thankyou-thankyou-thankyou-thankyou-thankyou-thankyou…

And I knew it was true.

I know it is true!

And yes! Today I still experience some stiffness in my entire back, but it is so much easier on me. In fact, from the moment Jesus spoke to me I felt so much better, so much stronger. It was like something just tingled its way out from me.
And therefore I was also able to take another tour with my bike later in the afternoon.

Down below I’ve gathered some of the books I’ve read that have altered my thoughts about Jesus, to believe in him as a teacher and as someone to follow with love

Dolores Cannon was a regression therapist who accidentally came in contact with people who had lived at the same time as Jesus. Here are some of the stories. Very intriguing, inspiring and interesting. Both can be bought from Amazon (Click images for link)

Jesus, my autobiography is channelled from Jesus himself through Tina Louise Spalding. A wonderful book which can be bought from Amazon, but is also available on iBooks
Then – of course – there is “A Course in Miracles” 
Teachings of Jesus channelled through  Dr. Helen Schucman in the 1970s
Those of you who have read my post all the way to the end, are probably more or less familiar with this book
Can be bought from Amazon, iBooks and probably many other places

 


Youtube is useful also here, just search for: A course… Tina Louise… Dolores …

I think too much

And I still frighten myself too much with my thoughts.
I imagine all the awful things that could, maybe, perhaps happen.
But mostly don’t.

Why is it so hard to let go of those unproductive, negative habits?
Why is it so hard to turn Wrongs into Rights?

In a way, there aren’t no Wrongs nor Rights. It just is as it is!
We all do the best we can due to the circumstances, due to our experiences and what we know about things. About life.

Often, the “wrongs” is what we need to learn something, to get experience and knowledge.
It’s actually more like gifts from the universe. Gifts that are possibilities for us to grow, to level up – as my daughter says.

Though, in the middle of something, we don’t see it that way. We see some kind of trouble we don’t want in our lives. And the more we think about that, dwell upon it, focus on it – the worse it gets. And sooner or later we end up sick or handicapped in some way. Maybe depressed or living with some chronic disease.

BUT! THEN!
When we finally have realized, when we’ve worked through those lessons and consciously experienced what we were supposed to be aware of?
Then?
Why is it so hard to let go of those unproductive habits we don’t really want?
That pain, that anxiety, that fear.

Those chronic diseases, ailments, disorders – that are hindering us to live life at the fullest.

(Or – unconsciously – do we actually want our life to be that way? Do we somehow actually need it? Do we benefit from it somehow? Like getting attention? Power over others? Do we manipulate our family with our… whatever dis-eas we might have?)

Basically we know better, don’t we?  So what to do about it?


Well! First of all – it might be good to…

Love yourself
Being nice to yourself
Treat yourself as your best friend.
Don’t hate yourself – instead have compassion for yourself!
You were and are doing the best you can!


Many “gurus” may be of great help and inspiration. Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer. Neale Donald Walsch – just to mention a few.

For example this video.

 

What happened?

Where did I go?
I don’t understand a single thing…

Well, I do. Some. But nevertheless I wonder why my life has become so different from what I thought it would be.
And I don’t mean the entire life! I just refer to the last couple of months! How it is now in regards of how it was before moving back to my hometown. I thought I should feel better in every way!

Well I do feel better in many ways! I’m back home, for godness sake! I’m with my family again, and I don’t feel so lonely any longer, and not so hopeless.

But, though I now have enhanced my muscles and can ride my bike more and for longer trips, it seems impossible for me to bike as far distances as I actually want to. My back pain has increased, and the muscles stiffen for almost no cause at all. I’m very tired, don’t sleep particularly well, and have to force myself even to do the most ordinary must-do’s at home. Like cleaning and such.

I don’t write! I was supposed to take more photos, all the city around, I was supposed to blog more – and actually write blog posts! Not only post an image or two!
But when I open any of my blogs with the intent to write something, I just feel a big
NO! I CAN’T!

I was also supposed to start working on some novel or short stories! Be regularly with my writings. Like everyday letting something out from my mind through my fingers.
And I do nothing of the sort!
Why? Is this temporary?

Okay! I see a lot more of my family of course, and I really love that, but I don’t see them everyday. And I read books again – that’s a good thing

But!

Should it take this long to adapt to new better circumstances? To a new, but well-known, habitat?
Should it take this long to let go of old stress? To leave behind loneliness and despair?
I have lived here for almost five months now!

So where did I go?
I do understand some things…
Why stress during a long time – years actually – makes such a impact on us. Makes us ill. And it takes time to recover. Even under the best circumstances.

There are days…

… and lately there have been quite many good ones.

2017-06-09hIn a couple of days I’ve been living here for four months. It must have been the best thing I’ve ever done, moving back home. To my hometown. To where my families live!

Long live workdays!
But LONG LONG LOOONG LIVE being a retiree, who’s finally been able to move back home again!!!

It’s not only the kids and their families. It’s the city itself as well. The old friends – and the new ones. People in general! The surroundings! The woods, the fields, the ocean, the – everything! Even the huge indoor/outdoor mall only about 3 miles away! It’s fun to go there. All the shops, boutiques, stores. Restaurants. Coffeshops. Ikea… people…

I’ve been too much alone for too long, so I kind of revel in mingling with people even though I don’t know them, don’t talk to them. I buy myself a cup of coffee, sit down for a while, and just watch them passing by. Listening to their voices, to the background music. Enjoying being in this energetic flow.

Funny! I’m actually more of an introvert than an extrovert, or maybe a mix of both in some way. But too much silence, loneliness and lack of intellectual and emotional stimulation can do this. Then you just have to engulf what you need, to fill you up.

And other hours I bike or walk alone in the woods, along the fields, at the beach…
I still very much need that too…